Author Topic: Corporate Cultures  (Read 1553 times)

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Offline Claus

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Corporate Cultures
« on: 17:21 22-Feb-2008 »
IN AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

IN A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

IN A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You kill the newsman who made the figures public.

IN A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

IN A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

IN AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

IN AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them you have some. Then you tell them you don’t.
No-one believes you, so they make a hostile take-over, kill your management and substitute it with their mercenaries.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.

IN AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

IN A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

IN A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have vodka, count your cows and learn you have five.
You have more vodka, count your cows again and learn you have 42.
You count them again – the day after and out of vodka - and learn you have 2 cows.
You conclude that those orange £"!$$$^&(*$$!" Ukrainian hostages of USA have stolen 40 of your cows and you demand 420 of them back.

IN A UKRAINIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president or prime minister, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
You grin.
« Last Edit: 18:44 22-Feb-2008 by Claus »

j'y suis, j'y reste!

Offline MWDabbs

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Re: Corporate Cultures
« Reply #1 on: 04:23 29-Feb-2008 »

IN A UKRAINIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president or prime minister, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
You grin.

And I thought I was imagining things.  Two years ago, I lost my wallet...with my credit card.  First thing I did was cancel my credit card.  Then I went to a bank to set up a bank account so I could do a wire transfer from my bank stateside.  They wanted a legal document proving that I was legally entitled to the money I was depositing.  A simple ATM credit card statement would have sufficed...except that I had, um...canceled my credit card, so they wouldn't accept it.  After thinking it through - I decided that I would give my translator $100, let her keep $10 to pay Western Union $90 to give me $80 and a receipt that legally showed I was entitled to deposit $80.  And that was perfectly acceptable to them. 

What you are saying here...is that if one really understands how this works, one would come out with $300...

I got a long way to go...heh ::)  :'(  >:(





 
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